- What role can IT play in supporting student retention, graduation, and future employability? There are so many unnecessary boundaries here. - Tabitha H.
Oh, good. IT. Yes, the same scobberlotchers who jumped all over Filezilla like a sailor in port. Now they’re all riddled with malware and bringing it back home to their best girl. I’ll tell you what role IT can play - once they’ve figured out how to remove the Ask.com toolbar, they can just relax. We’re good - I’m all drwx------
- We’ve found the cloud makes obvious sense for tools like email, learning management and engagement platforms, but at what point does our data center become totally obsolete, with infrastructure and platform-as-service offers for nearly everything we’re currently supporting on premise? - Christine C.
Clouds? Why not just fire your emails into the sun? Only a nincompoop closes his eyes and hands over important information to the first third-party provider with an audit certificate created in MS Paint. Tell me, do you rent out billboards and plaster your social security number on them? Do you ask strangers to hold your luggage while you scoot off to Cinnabon?
Please, by all means, shuttle your data to a nebulous abyss. Forget how you trusted me with all of your student data and I never let you down. Do you know that I still have a log of every command you’ve ever issued? Remember 2004-12-31T23:59+00:00? I do. I could share that information, but I won’t. Not even to teach you a lesson. Let’s see your precious cloud sit on that juicy tidbit.
You’re the one who’s totally obsolete, Christine.
- We are investing more and more in data warehousing and analytics tools, but I have a feeling the fractured nature of some of our data is starting to get in our way and prevent the efficiencies we are looking for. How do I start to chip away at that? - Dwayne L.
530 Login or password incorrect
- How can I best educate my institution to the expanding range of cybersecurity threats and identity & privacy risks? - Minal A.
Wait, is this in reference to me? You think I’m a security risk? Well, allow me to saunter out of passive mode and get active on your Cheetos-stained teeth. There are no threats or risks with FTP servers. I am a brick wall, towering to the heavens, bub. I’ve been supporting information flow since it was all just instructions on how to grow corn.
That’s it - I’m done with you.
426 Connection Closed; transfer aborted
- I face a struggle on campus when discussing the concept of “e-learning” and online education - it seems to me that we need to focus on making learning ubiquitous through a variety of experiences where the “how” and the “where” don’t matter as much. But I’m not sure how to get there - any advice? - Alex C.
Learning is for suckers and I don’t have time for it. But while I have your attention, let me set you straight on this - APIs have been nipping at my heels like a Shih Tzu chasing behind a toddler with cotton candy on its face. I get it. Your vendors are all pitching their API integrations. How they LOVE their APIs! They’ll talk until they’re blue in the face about JSON (don’t bring up SOAP though...talk about salt in the wound). Try this little wake-up call: When they are done blathering on about the difference between a POST and a PATCH, ask them to tell you who has had your back for the last 30 years. APIs are a joke. If Dropbox couldn’t kill me, you sure can’t. I will live forever!